Penny: We've decided to knock this one out early, because hoo boy I bet some of you care confused about the way we've been discussing Ramos and Sam if you found *their* website first.

Ashton: You know what, Pen?

Penny: Hm?

Ashton: I think this might be the only collection of AAH members who's titles actually fit what they did for a living.

Penny: Well, except Prof. Palazzo. I may not have been alive when she passed, but I just know she never left her hermit hole of a lab.

Ashton: It does suck that there's a lot about some of these cases that we just don't know. Or at least, we won't until our anonymous benefactor finds some new info for us.

Ashton: They also got all the death dates right.

Penny: At least, they did for the ones who actually died.

Ashton: We're gonna jump ahead a bit here, since getting these peoples' entire life stories isn't all that relevant. All you need to know is that the edges are almost always sanded off from the truth.

Penny: The PR-speak is strong with them.

Ashton: For example:

Ashton: Translation: He got just as fucked-up on drugs as Dressler and every other hippie in the area, which is the only circumstance in which Dressler's bullshit makes any sense.

Penny: Always gotta remember the drugs when it comes to this time period. People were doing coke back then the way we smoke weed now.

Ashton: Okay, so, lot to break down here. First of all, by "lost his life to the sea", they mean "we dumped him in a rickety sub into Galatea Fucking Deep, and he turned into a fine marinara sauce."

Penny: Also, Mrs. Ramos isn't dead. We should probably get that out of the way right now.

Ashton: We'll get into it more in her section, but TL;DR: After Ramos finished her stint at the psyche ward, she went into hiding to avoid further threats to her safety, and now AAH is trying to push the narrative that she's dead.

Ashton: We'll also be skipping over Mr. Rayne's section. Again, there's a distinct sugarcoating of the story, but nothing factually wrong. I will note that AAH is for sure downplaying their involvement in the Doran's Peak incident.

Penny: Well, there's also the fact that he never had kids with Mrs. Rayne, but we can't really get into that too much without jepordizing certain individuals' anonymity.

Penny: Again; not a real professor. I don't think she even graduated college.

Ashton: Yeah, I think she got one of those certifications you can just buy.

Ashton: As a general rule, you should always do a bit of fact-checking when someone cites "scientific journals" but doesn't list anything specific.

Penny: And when we did said fact-checking, we weren't surprised in the slightest to find all these "journals" were either random webpages that haven't been updated since 9/11, or local affairs backed by who else but AAH.

Penny: "One of our founders killed herself, but did you know we offer therapy?" Jesus fuck, how does anyone still take these guys seriously?

Ashton: Also, maybe it's just me, but don't you think it's kinda suspicious that Prof. Palazzo offed herself right after SCARI recovered the samples collected from Doran's Peak?

Penny: Try to keep the conspiracy stuff to the logs. We're trying to stay *factual* here, remember?

Ashton: Fine. *eye roll*

Penny: So yeah, like we said, not actually dead. Did you ever figure out where they got this """"death date"""" from?

Ashton: It's basically where her paper trail ends. It's the date she renewed her driver's license, and after that, there's basically no documentation that ties back to her.

Penny: As if there weren't enough reasons to stan her.

Ashton: I cannot get over the thought of "stanning" a 70-something-year-old woman. She's old enough to be your grandma, Pen.

Penny: There's no age limit on being a fucking legend, Ash.

Ashton: So remember how we said Ramos ended up in a psyche ward? Also AAH's doing. When she first tried to blow the whistle on them, they played the "crazy bitch" card as their first attempt to silence her. Of course, she still made enough of an impact that one of their *founders* left and they had to completely rebrand themselves.

Penny: Which extra sucks because I'm sure she really does struggle mentally after everything she went through during her time with them. But they put her in a total catch-22 where she's damned if she tries to get help, and damned if she doesn't.

Penny: First of all, she hasn't left anyone behind. Second, even if she did, she'd have also left behind a *nephew*. Becaaauuuuse-

Ashton: *drum roll*

Penny: Sam isn't dead either.

Ashton: It looks like they pulled his """""death date""""" using the same logic as his aunt's. That was around the time law enforcement got involved in his case, and they presumably gave him a new identity to protect him.

Penny: I'm not gonna lie, it kinda hurts seeing this old picture of him. He really was a great guy; he didn't deserve anything these bastards did to him.

Ashton: Again, not really our story to tell.

Penny: Yeah yeah, I know...

Penny: They call it "passion." I call it "scared out of his damn mind because he knew what you did to his aunt."

Ashton: And while we can't say to much, know this: What Penny described is just the tip of the iceberg of the ringer he got put through.

Ashton: Needless to say, remains were not found. They pulled that directly out their asses.

Penny: Also, he did not "go missing." He was fucking abducted. *By them*.

Ashton: Again, can't get into it too much. But while some people are true believers suckered in by the PR-speak, Sam wasn't such a case. His inductions was... forceful.

Penny: Understatement of the fucking century...

Penny: Given the latest string of call-outs, I bet ~investegators~ are about to get a very fucking clear picture about Sam's fate.

Ashton: All that said though, I do hope Sam's doing well, wherever he ended up after what went down. I can completely understand if he just wants to forget about the whole incident and focus on getting his life back.

Penny: Yeah, I can get behind that.